The return to normality...

I had no desire to do this whatsoever. I take no happiness from this. It was never mean’t to happen. It should not happen. It’s not going to happen. The idea alone is simply preposterous. But yet. Yet. Sadly, this isn’t due to popular demand. And in no way is this due to a delusional belief that people enjoy reading this garbage. And, no, I am not being paid by any pharmaceutical company to write this as a simple and cheap alternative to sleeping pills. Nope, this return is entirely down to blackmail, pure and simple. I gain nothing by mentioning names, so I won’t. But you know who you are. God damned it, I hope you’re satisfied with what you’ve done. This will be painful for all of us.

Still, if I have to do this – and feck knows, the specifics of the threat are enough to make me do this properly. Certain things really do not need to make it to the public domain – I may as well try and do it kind of properly. Apparently dairy’s (diary’s? Meh. Whatever) are supposed to be at least vaguely chronological. And as I can barely remember last week (actually, Wednesday) and according to records – kept by somebody else, I hasten to ask – it’s been about 4months since I returned, hence that I now have to actually try and remember what the heck I’ve been doing and where I’ve been in that time.

Oh great.

In any case, as you are here, all that remains is for you to get comfy (get a pillow, get drunk, destroy your PC so you can’t reach this website anymore, that sort of thing) and settle in to enjoy the delusion warblings of the rest of my - sometimes sadly - continuing existence. Actually, at this point I don\t really have the time (essentially, I can’t really be bothered right now) to spew out the whole malarkey. So to fill the time and my dutiful requirement to fulfill the requirements of a certain American blackmailer (Gretchen, don\t even THINK about trying to get in on this act), I’ll give you a quick overview.

Basically, the last 4 months have included, as well as the scary kind of work based stuff – don’t get me started on that – tales of severely drunken Poles in Finland; the World Cup Final; a trip to Bornholm and sojourns to Åhus; several daft detours across Europe; a robbery; my arrest for attempted terrorism; some Shifty Kazakhs; Some sadly deceased deer followed by assorted Mexican-Colombians in Göteborg and a group of crazed Slovaks in a rental car in Ireland.

I’m no longer homeless (although it took 6weeks of crashing on assorted floors and spare rooms of friends, colleagues, and drunk people I’d met only a couple of hours previously, a night in a tent in the woods and a couple of nights in hammocks on the beach); encountered a lovely inflatable sheep called Francine [aka Dave]; the Notting Hill carnival, the end of Clive (nooooo), a conference including a slight detour to meet even shiftier Kazakhs than the aforementioned Shifty ones, a Brazil home game in London, a and a 5am call to meet somebody at Manchester Airport.

I hitch-hiked around – well, across - Ireland (sans Fridge), ping-ponged back and fore between Hamburg and Bruxelles at an alarming rate; went to the Oxford Beer fest and took a trip to Stratford, and even hosted 3 film making eco-warriors for a couple of days in Sweden (don’t ask). I’ve managed to meet the glorious TP leader (congratulations on the forthcoming) and get to a TP pissup; catch up with numerous people from my trip – even including my great stalkers. I figured it was my turn to stalk them instead – embarked on a strange 3 week period when I ran into people randomly on no less than 10 occasions; met a couple of WOSers; went to a HC meet-up and caught up with assorted old friends (including some new kids) and the SPG, and even managing a surprise trip home. It was a such a surprise visit that I didn’t even know myself. Well, not until about 11pm one evening when I was in London unexpectedly and realized that I was homeless for a night and thus decided to head out and crash my parents house. To discover that they had changed the locks in my absence. Thus my surprise homecoming involved my hammering on the door at 2am and getting my brother off the toilet to let me in.

And that was that.

Every so often you just hit those periods, it’s strange. The last few weeks have been quiet in general terms, but it’s just been one of those months when lots of things seem to happen. I have no idea why, but it seems to happen for a couple of months each year. Why the world insists on constantly packing a years worth of stuff into a few weeks each year, I have no idea. But it does.

Anna managed to escape the evil clutches of T-Kartor*. Three sets of friends got engaged (WooHoo, congrats all, except Steve where I have to respectfully ask, just what the f*ck are you doing????) although Bangkok for one is probably slightly too far to travel to for the wedding. Shaz and Domi both got jobs. My stalkers have sadly split up. Dad quit his job. Crazy Finnish virgin woman with twins and a third child, is starting to really need sectioning, and her mother simply shot. Jenny gave birth. Andy and Charlotte (plus my godkids) have been granted entrance and are shortly emigrating to New Zealand – a great move for them, but not the most accessible place to head for a long weekend even if I did fly. Kiki, (I’m sure some of you remember her) is back on form and causing mayhem although details will have to wait. Chris managed to piss of a congressman, then get raided by the feds. And hasn’t been heard of since. If anybody knows anybody in Guantanamo who can find out if he’s currently enjoying their hospitality, please let me know. Sadly, I’m not joking. Miha and Katja tried to go to India for 6 weeks, didn't manage to get Indian visas and eventually ended up in, erm, Bulgaria. And returned home to discover Miha's prime time slot on the radio had been given to his best friend. The SPG is, well, being the SPG. Jon stopped working for Japanese and started working for the Aussies, which actually adds to his commute as he lives in London. Michiel and Evgenia braved the Chelyabinsk-an beaurocracy and got married, whilst 2 other couples have split, reasonably amicably, but a third set are going through what can only be described as a vaguely acrimonious breakup. Casey and Dave have left Japan and are now in Germany, Phil has left Beijing and is now in, erm, Whitechapel, and Emily has given up her job and quit Egypt. Tony is hoping to never hear the words "Polish" and "Builder" in the same sentance together. Jen is being kicked out of her house due to upcoming sprog being dropped, whilst Oana, in a city of 3million or so people and 1.5million cars (but who’s counting) managed to randomly crash into the back of her cousin. Andy, stunningly, finally left Pindar whilst Keith, another ex Pindar, colleague has tragically passed away. My sympathies and condolences to Lucy, and his friends and families. RIP, Keef.

I have, of course, been pondering future ideas, come across several interesting looking possibilities, and been scheming about future trips, plans, directions and dreams. A couple of them are real corkers. My mp3 player has new brother which, oddly, seems to be at least partly possessed with same sense of humour as it’s brother. With a much smaller capacity, I can’t wait to see what it throws up in odd situations. Oh, and we also managed to Loose a submarine. If anybody happens to find it, please email me.
And in between all that, I’ve even been forced to do some W*rk. Why me????

And finally, I would also like to take the opportunity to categorically deny rumours (thank you for that, Slim, amongst others) that I have been anywhere near any London sushi bar in the last few weeks. Why the heck does everybody seem to think I some kind of spy, I have no idea. I’m a simple cartographer, people. A cartographer.

It’s actually surprising how interesting and packed a few mundane months can seem when put down on paper-screen type things. But the main thing is, my commitment is fulfilled. I hope you are happy

* please note that the turn of phrase “evil clutches of T-Kartor” was plucked out of nowhere on the spur of the moment in order to meet a deadline for a certain blackmailer, and in no way reflects the authors feelings or mindset towards his lovely, fabulous and inordinately generous employers.

For anybody even vaguely interested, or who has missed anything, my previous blog - for my long trip away is still online at http://gelli.travellerspoint.com. Enjoy